Addicted
by yellowsocks
Summary: And even when he's mine, I know he still loves her. But I love him too much to care. I'm addicted to Lucas Scott. Oneshot Songfic, Leyton.


**A/N: I took a short break from 'Always & Forever' to write this, because I needed to write something different. So here it is! Hope you enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own 'Addicted' by Kelly Clarkson, or One Tree Hill.**

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Addicted 

_It's like you're a drug,  
__It's like you're a demon I can't face down  
__It's like I'm stuck,  
__It's like I'm running from you all the time_

He's got a hold on me. Every time I try and get away, he pulls me back. I don't know what it is, I don't know how he does it. I just know that if I don't get away soon, I might never stop this. I'm hooked on him. Those blue eyes that I get lost in, that mischievous grin that makes me weak at the knees. I know I should stay away, I know I shouldn't do this. But my heart wins every time. My heart tells me I need him, I live for his kiss, his touch. My mind tells me that my heart knows nothing.

_And I know I let you  
have all the power  
It's like the only company I seek  
is misery all around_

I keep putting myself through this, and I hate it. I fall deeper and deeper into this despair, and I don't how to get out of it. When he's around, no one else matters, all I need are those few moments with him, and that gets me through the day. Without it, I'm miserable. Without him, I'm nothing. But with him, I'm a pathetic, backstabbing, husband stealer. And the sad part is, I don't seem to mind.

_It's like you're a leech  
Sucking the life from me  
It's like I can't breathe  
Without you inside of me_

Lucas Scott has unknowingly destroyed my life. And I don't even care. I don't have anything to live for. I've lost everything. So I live my life, waiting for him to come around. There are days when I feel like I belong to him, like I'm at his service. But other times, I need him too much to care. I just let him have me, because I'm sick of being alone. Tired of feeling like no one cares about me.

_And I know I let you  
have all the power  
And I realize I'm never going to  
quit you over time_

Every thought leads back to him, my whole world revolves around him. I'll admit it. My name is Peyton Sawyer, and I am practically owned by Lucas Scott, a married man. I thought we had it good for a while, right at the end of high school. We had it all. Brooke had Chase and was over Lucas, or so she said. But it was all lies. I should have seen it then. Chase and her broke up a few months afterwards, and she came running back to me and Lucas for support.

_It's like I can't breathe  
It's like I can't see anything  
Nothing but you  
I'm addicted to you_

I should have realized what was going on. I should have opened my eyes and seen that Brooke didn't want our support, she wanted Lucas back. And she was going to do whatever it took to get him. And she did exactly that. She got him back, because he was still under her spell. He left me and they got married. But Lucas was never really happy, and neither was I. I hated seeing them together, and he hated being with her.

_It's like I can't think  
Without you interrupting me  
In my thoughts  
In my dreams_

We met that first time in a bar and we were both smashed beyond belief. I barely even recognized him. But when I woke up the next morning, he was gone. He had gone back to her. Probably because he realized who I was. But he came back the next week, and it happened again. He did it because he was miserable and lonely, I did it because I loved him. Because he was my world. But he never cared about my feelings.

_You've taken over me  
It's like I'm not me  
It's like I'm not me_

At first, I felt bad. I hated betraying the girl I once called my best friend, but I realized she had stolen him from me too. She knew the hold she had over him. She knew he would follow her wherever she went. That's when I didn't care anymore. Sure, it was like high school all over again, but Brooke meant nothing to me now. We hadn't even talked since high school. She knew that was the way it was going to be when she stole Lucas. But she didn't even care.

_It's like I'm lost  
It's like I'm giving up slowly  
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me  
Leave me alone_

I tried to fight my feelings for Lucas. I tried to resist the power he had over me. But nothing worked. I belonged to him. And there was nothing I could do now. I was just waiting until Brooke found out and left Lucas. Maybe then he'd want me. Maybe he'd see me as more than just a pretty face. Or maybe I'm just delusional.

_And I know these voices in my head  
Are mine alone  
And I know I'll never change my ways  
If I don't give you up now_

I never wanted to be the other woman. I wanted to be the only woman. The one he loved from now until forever. But I didn't get that. Brooke ruined that for me. I didn't get my happily ever after. There are days when I miss Brooke and wish that Lucas had never come between us. But most days I know that Brooke was never there for me. She was never my friend. Once Lucas came around, she saw nothing but him. And I guess I became the same way.

_It's like I can't breathe  
It's like I can't see anything  
Nothing but you  
I'm addicted to you_

One of these days she'll find out that I tried to take him back, and it'll just start all over again. She'll yell at me and slap me. Then she'll get angry with Lucas and realize he doesn't love her. They'll break up and he'll decide he's not going to take him back so he runs to me. My stupid heart falls for his game every time. She comes running back and he drops me for her once again. It's just a vicious cycle and unless someone breaks it, it's never going to stop.

_It's like I can't think  
Without you interrupting me  
In my thoughts  
In my dreams_

But I'm never going to be able to be that one to stop it. Lucas is my life, and even when he's with Brooke, he's all I think about. Even when I watch them together, he's all I dream about. And even when he's mine, I know he still loves her. But I love him too much to care. I'm addicted to Lucas Scott.

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**Let me know what you think :)**


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